The trial of the century, The People vs. Donald Falcom, has come to a close. As per Beavertail tradition, the all-female jury returned from their delibirations at the Beavertail Holiday Inn’s special Jury Delibiration chamber and spa, to announce their verdict.
After weeks of debate and arguments from the Defense, Beavertail’s own Pastor Creedence Clearwater and Crumdon’s Lawyer of the Year, Michael Davenport, the Jury has found Donald “not guilty” on the charges of murder, conspiracy to commit murder, waffle-theft, and bad-murder thoughts.
The much talked about trial reached a turning-point last week when Pastor Clearwater’s “Court Filibuster technique” of reading the entirety of Hiromu Arakawa’s landmark manga series “Full Metal Alchemist”, (complete with descriptions of each image and commentary) was interrupted by a shocking revelation from the morgue. The cause of death, initially thought to be a stabbing with thousands of tiny knives, was revealed to be snake venom. Shortly there-after the security tapes of the Denny’s parking lot revealed that Donald had a brief conversation with the victim, Todd Sinnoh, where-in he apologized profusely for “trying to get in the way of his true love’s happiness” and Mr. Sinnoh replied with “I hope you get bit by thousands of venomous snakes you horrible man”. Donald then fled the scene in tears before a cruel irony befell Mr Sinnoh and he was swarmed by thousands of venomous snakes that had flooded the streets of Beavertail. While managing to fight off some of them, Mr. Sinnoh stumbled off into the woods where he succumbed to his wounds. The tapes were truly damning for the prosecution who responded with “well, this sucks. Oh well, I give up.” and proceeded to leave the courtroom. Mr. Davenport could not be reached for comment.
When asked why he did not think to review the security tape sooner, Detective Jim Silvers, head of the investigation replied with “It didn’t seem too important at the time.” Donald Falcon, now a free-man, has returned to his job assisting Pastor Clearwater with his podcast “The Creedence Clearwater Revival Hour”.
Featuring Matthew Schott, Isaac Miller, and Amelia Dudley
With appearances from Eric Austin, Rebecca Bassell, and Ollie Corchado