Mr. Donald Falcon,
My name is Patty Audino. I am writing to you on behalf of the Beavertail Public Library to ask you to please return the following books:
- Investing in Incesting: The Do’s and Don’ts of Sibling Seduction – Ted Trubbish
- Email Management: How to Prevent Embarrassing Emails from Leaking Online – Jessica Cofagrigus
- The Ultimate Guide to Kidnapping! – Arthur Sawk
- The Prima Strategy Guide: Yoshi’s Story – The Prima Strategy Guide Team
- Tie Knots Like a Pro! – Frank Knotmeyer
- How to REALLY Tie Knots Like a Pro! – Phil Knotmeyer
- Real Mature, Phil, just copy my entire book series – Frank Knotmeyer
- Ok, just because we are brothers and both happen to write books about knots, all of a sudden I’m “copying you” – Phil Knotmeyer
- You are so immature, Phil. This is why Mom liked me better – Frank Knotmeyer
- Twisted Up in Knots: The Murder of Frank Knotmeyer – Sandy Vanilish
You have thus far accumulated a fine of $11.54. This total will continue to accumulate until you have returned all 10 books or written a note of apology.
Thank you and I hope to receive your books and/or letter soon.
P.S. Please pick up your friend as soon as possible. The Pastor has been sitting in the children’s section in a fort he constructed from books. He’s been yelling about Mountain Dew, refrigerators, and homeless men for at least three hours now. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but it’s really disrupted Story Time.