My name is Marshall Eagleman, I work at Morris-Marker Book Publishers. Recently I received an unsolicited manuscript from an author using the nom de plume: “Don, the Man You should Marry” whom I believe to be an associate of yours, one Donald Falcon. The manuscript, titled “Insist on Love, or How I learned to love the one I am SUPPOSED to love” is nigh indecipherable. Although it started off normally enough with a somewhat farcical tale of a hard-nosed detective saving a woman in distress, it quickly turned into a stream of consciousness with Joycean levels of complexity.
– Twelve pages of the artist dressed as various characters from what I can gather are obscure cartoons from the 1970s.
-A flip book in the corner of the entire book of the author kissing a large breasted woman I can only assume is supposed to be the same woman the manuscript is dedicated to. A dedication, which is in itself five pages long.
And thats only the tip of the iceberg. Attached to the manuscript was a note saying to direct any and all questions to his manager and agent, Pastor Creedence Clearwater.
I am contacting you, Pastor, because I wanted to tell you that throughout my time with this 800-page behemoth, I was enraptured. I want to publish this masterpiece immediately. Its classical, yet post-modern sensibilities are exactly what the literary world needs right now to really light a fire under its ass. This book could be the next Infinite Jest. I’d like the both of you to come to my office in Crumdon immediately. Six months from now this book will be in the hands of every pseudo-intellectual college student pretending they read and understand it. I want to be apart of that gravy train. I can make the three of us very, very wealthy. Please, respond soon.
Marshall EaglemanMorris-Marker Book Publishers
Donald asked me to tell you to make sure you don’t post this as your podcast description. I’m not sure what exactly that means. He also said something about a peach woman and some sort of very old teacher. I don’t know what he was getting on about but it sounds like a great starting point for a sequel??
Featuring Matthew Schott, Alison Wien, and Becky Granger
Created by Matthew Schott
Edited by Trevor Scott
Theme Music by Chris Callahan
Produced by Julia Katz, Chelsea Rugg, and Andrew Terrance Kaberline